SweetInocent

:)))

sweetinocent — Fri, 21 Dec 2007 09:16:52 +0000

TEACHER: OK boys and girls lets talk about brilliant things, if you know whats brilliant, raise your hand and i’ll point to one of you and you’ll tell me whats brilliant. So raise your hand please class. Peter?

PETER: Monster twucks

TEACHER: Monster trucks are brilliant to some people, good. ummmm Rosie?

ROSIE: Fwowers

TEACHER: Good Rosie, excellent, now Michael?

MICHAEL: A pwegnent 15 year old girl

TEACHER: Well a pregnant girl is brilliant in any age but why do you say a 15 year old?

MICHAEL: My older sister is 15 years old and when she told my dad that she’s pwegnent he said “Well thats fucking brilliant”

…;))

sweetinocent — Fri, 21 Dec 2007 09:13:40 +0000

A high school English teacher reminds her class of tomorrow’s final exam. She tells the class there would be no excuse for not showing up, except for serious injury or illness, or a death in the student’s immediate family.

A smart-ass jock in the back of the room asks, ’What about extreme sexual exhaustion?’

The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student shakes her head, and sweetly says: ’Not an excuse. You can use your other hand to write with.’

…:))

sweetinocent — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 22:24:50 +0000

The 3 tragedies in a man’s life:

1 - life sucks
2 - job sucks
3 - wife does NOT

…:))

sweetinocent — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 22:18:24 +0000

A husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full length mirror taking a hard look at herself.
“You know love” she says, “I look in the mirror and I see an old woman. My face is all wrinkled, my boobs are barely above my waist, my butt is hanging out a mile. I’ve got fat legs and my arms are all flabby” She turns to her husband and says… “Tell me something positive to make me feel better about myself”.
He thinks about it for a bit and then says “well… there’s nothing wrong with your eyesight”.

…:))

sweetinocent — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 22:16:17 +0000

A discussion in the immigration office at the airport:
- NAME?
- Muhjmatil Ahmed Mahmud.
- SEX?
- Three times a week!
- I MEAN: MALE OR FEMALE?
- Doesn’t matter. Sometimes even with camel…

…:))

sweetinocent — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 22:13:18 +0000

Man: God?
God: Yes!?
Man: Can I ask you something?
God: Yes.
Man: What is for you a milion of years?
God: A second.
Man: And a milion of dolars?
God: A penny.
Man: God, Can you give me a penny?
God: Wait a second!

…:))

sweetinocent — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 22:08:24 +0000

A couple went on vacation to a fishing resort up north. The husband liked to fish at the crack of dawn. The wife liked to read. One morning the husband returned after several hours of fishing and decided to take a short nap. Although she wasn’t familiar with the lake, the wife decided to take the boat out.
She rowed out a short distance, anchored, and returned to reading her book. Along came the sheriff in his boat. He pulled up alongside her and said, Good morning, Ma’am. What are you doing? Reading my book, she replied . . . as she thought to herself, Isn’t it obvious? You’re in a restricted fishing area, he informed her. But officer, I’m not fishing. Can’t you see that? Yes, but you have all the equipment. I’ll have to take you in and write you up.
If you do that, I’ll have to charge you with rape, snapped the irate woman. But, I haven’t even touched you, groused the sheriff. Yes, that’s true, she replied, But you do have all the equipment.

…:))

sweetinocent — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 21:52:12 +0000

Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights because they can’t see each other using sign language. After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decides to find a solution. “Honey,” she signs, “Why don’t we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don’t want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time.”

The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, “Great idea, now if you want to have sex with ME, reach over and pull on my penis one time. If you don’t want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis… fifty times

SI TOTUSI…

sweetinocent — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 17:46:59 +0000

SI TOTUSI…

Nu trebuie sa-mi fie dor de dansul,
Nu trebuie si totusi imi e dor.
Oare de ce in trupu-acesta, stinsul,
Mi-e dat un suflet ce-i nemuritor?

Nu trebuie sa-l intalnesc in toamne,
Nu trebuie, si totusi l-ntalnesc.
Oare de ce pentru-acest suflet Doamne,
Mi-e dat un trup atat de pamantesc?

Oare de ce in zilele cu soare
Si-n noptile senine fara nor,
Ma-ncearca o cumplita intristare
Ca nu pot stapani acest tainic dor…

Si vreau sa se dezlantuie o furtuna
Care de nici un om n-ar tine cont.
Sa depaseasca starea mea nebuna
Cu-n fulger despicat de orizont.

Dar plua lin sau ninge lin si plansul
Naturii ma subjuga-ncetisor…
Nu trebuie sa-mi fie dor de dansul
Nu trebuie si totusi imi e dor…

Lady In Black

admin — Sat, 01 Dec 2007 22:00:51 +0000